Book Choice Con Respeto

I chose the book Con Respeto because my experiences thus far in education have predominantly been with immigrant families from Mexico. I thought this was an excellent choice for me because I was able to pause and reflect on what I know not only as a Hispanic woman but as a student who has a degree in Mexican-American Studies. I aim to focus on key points that grabbed my attention and made me pause for thought.

First, the author devoted three years to this study, and I believe this was a significant amount of time to really establish a connection with the families on a more personal level. She took the time to really get to know the families, their backgrounds, and their experiences as it relates to the American education system. I was impressed by how much personal information she had acquired on each member of the family. She knew where they came from, their job experiences, their triumphs, and their sorrows. Guadalupe Valdes was very focused on the mothers, as in this culture they have a significant role in educating their children. All of these families were from humble backgrounds. They were hard working, struggling families, who were just looking for a better life. Many had personal challenges to overcome. One of the women Carmen Ornelas had an interesting history because she was the only single mother without legal papers who had to provide for a family of 7 children. I have been a single mom since my daughter was one year old, and I know the stuggles that come with that role. I could not imagine a woman with 7 children to provide for and who had other struggles like language barriers and illegal status which inhibited her ability to find a better life. I developed a deep respect for her courage and wisdom in being able to be a good mom to 7 children. Right away, we as teachers could be sitting there passing judgements about her choices and moaning and groaning about her irresponsibility in having so many children to provide for. I came away with more respect for her than judgement by the end of the book. About half of the book was devoted to presenting the personal stories of each adult involved in this study. This was helpful because it painted a clear, colorful, and detailed picture for the entire book.

I started to see a shift in the book by Chapter 6. In this chapter the author makes the point that in all 10 homes that she visited, the eldest child was always given the responsibility of taking care of the younger siblings. In this culture, parents make clear that when there is a visitor in the house for example, the oldest child usually was put in charge of taking the younger ones in another room or part of the house so the adult could have a conversation with the visitor. The parents also made clear that they were not to misbehave. I thought it was interesting that Guadalupe Valdes observed that even though children were important in the family, they were not "the focus of most of the family energy." The children seem to fit a role within that important family unit. I thought it was interesting that no direct teaching for mastering tasks like potty training or learning how to tie shoes was given by the parents. It was assumed that the younger children would learn those skills naturally by older brothers and sisters. What this might mean for me as a teacher is that these children would be great teachers of their peers. It is also interesting that the parents did not tell the children to show or teach their siblings how to do certain tasks. The older children initiated this on their own. I stopped to recall those moments when I have learned that an older brother or sister has taught a student of mine a particular skill. It happens a lot. In terms of respect, the children knew that meant things like not interrupting, not being a nuisance when mom was busy, and not questioning authority. Next, this chapter explored the traditional sex roles that are present in the home. Women in the study viewed their responsibility to take care of their husbands as their role as a woman. Even though I am Hispanic, I did not grow up being taught that this is my "role." My mom was a homemaker, and she cooked and cleaned and ran around taking care of errands, but I never was told either through words or actions that as an adult woman it would be my duty to "serve" my husband. These traditional values still exist in Mexican homes. On a very personal level, my ex-husband who is from Cuba believed passionately in the idea that a woman serves her husband. He used words like, "sirveme." This culture clash caused a lot of conflict and ultimately became one of the reasons why I became divorced. In my mind, my marriage was a partnership,not my being a servant. In addition, this chapter looked at the mothers' belief that their children should be children and not worked too hard. They believed that they should enjoy their childhoods because later in life they would have a lot of hard work to do. How might this translate into a classroom? Issues with homework might be one. A belief that the work is too hard maybe is another. This might play out in that a parent may seem unsupportive when a large project is due or not being on top of missing assignments. I don't know. I could be wrong on these. Their cultural value of letting children enjoy their childhood could clash with the school's academic and social expectations. Families are extended in nature opposed to the typical American family who many times is defined as the close nuclear family unit consisting of parents and children. Latinos are very family oriented. Many times I have conferenced with an aunt or uncle or even grandparents when the student's parents were unavailable. I never made the parent's absence an excuse for me not to make contact with the child's family. I have had to make phone calls to extended family members to get a message to the parents, and it has been welcomed always. I have always sensed a deep appreciation for doing that, and respecting the reality that aunts, uncles, and grandparents and cousins to make up the family.

The next chapter was a powerful one because it dealt with the stereotypes and misunderstnanding that occur between school and home. We as educators have to take responsibility to change our part in this dynamic. I can only do that if I first start with myself. I have a moral obligation to reach out to the family. Ihave a responsibility to be aware of, understand, and respect the cultural experiences and backgrounds of each students whether culturally or socially or even economically I have that moral obligation to do so. Unfortunately, we as an educational culture are still failing. We make assumptions all of the time about families who do not participate, ask questions, come to conferences or meetings, don't sign and return important information etc. We make the unfair assumption that they do not care. In many instances we are totally unaware that many may be fighting for survival, have no transportation, have more than one job, or maybe it is that they feel an enormous amount of intimidation. Maybe they feel like outsiders and unwelcome. In all of my years in education, I have never once had a confrontation with a parent due to my ignorance. I hope to keep it that way. Ihave always been able to establish good rapport with my Mexican families. Being able to use their language and understand their culture is a huge asset. I am able to understand and make connections in their culture not only because I am Hispanic myself, but because I also have a degree in Mexican-American Studies, and I find that knowledge to be so valuable in this job. For example, Spanish speaking cultures are not programmed and pressured by time like we are here in the U.S. To demonstrate this in Spanish, "time or the clock walks" and in Engish we say, "time is running or the clock is running." Of course to be successful here in this country and in this culture one has to learn to understand this difference and adapt accordingly. However, just with this piece of knowledge I a able to confront or deal with the problem of tardiness in a different way that will not be offensive. I just cannot assume that they do not care and that is why they are late. It is my responsibility to reach out. I would plan to discuss in a firm but respectful way that it is my responsibility to teach their child as much as I can and to the best of my ability. They have trusted me with that job. However, I can only do that if they are in my classroom everyday and on time. THere is no need for stereotypes or assumptions. We can do things like this in a way that is culturally sensitive and respectful. I refuse to believe and behave like a a frustrated teacher who shakes her head and says I give up. I feel very lucky to be a part of a team at Rocketship where I believe the teachers are there for the right reasons. I want to be a part of the dynamics that help convince parents we are on the same team wanting to help their children reach their life dreams. Convincing them that the American dream is accesible for their children too is something that can be used to solidify bonds and trust between school and home. IF we are not prepared to walk the walk and just talk about these things then those words do not mean anything. In Spanish we say se demuestra con los hechos no simplemente con palabras. In English it is "Actions speak louder than words." I don't want to hear that teachers believe that they (the parents) just don't care or they don't want to succeed or that they can only achieve at a lower level. I refuse to be a part of a system that decides that based on race, sex, or economics. That is racist and it is wrong. I have had parents who are illiterate and speak at a grade school level in Spanish. Many have felt embarrassed to meet with their child's teacher. They feel inadequate, and I cannot count the number of times they have said something like the following: " Disculpeme maestra, pero no se nada de esto or no entendi." We need to empower these parents to step forward out of the shadows and to voice themselves and their opinions. I care what they think and feel. It is our moral obligation as teachers to understand our families and not fall into the ignorant convenient excuse that they are just apathetic. I need to discover what is really going on before I make any judgements. That would be doing the right thing.